Summer is a time to bring out your sexy and your inner seductress even if she’s been in the closet for a while. Just like women have different outfits for different occasions, we hold an abundance of feminine archetypes within our psyche that we can call on for inspiration.
For some, the seductress archetype comes naturally. For others, she takes a little practice. Many women consider her beneath them.
What’s really true is opening to your feminine seductive power requires risk and a willingness to be vulnerable.
You have to be willing to be the fool to embody the seductress. You have to get over the voices in your head that say: “I’m too old, “too young,” “not attractive enough,” “not sexy enough” or “I don’t know how” and just be willing to explore.
What you’ll discover is the seductress is a wonderful teacher for reading and wielding energy.
Before I began my sexual mystery school with women, I worked for years with men as a Tantrika. I didn’t have sex with them. I mostly massaged them. I didn’t massage their penises to orgasm, but I did help men to activate and circulate sexual pleasure through their bodies. I helped them to connect their cocks with their hearts. I helped them to feel beautiful and desired. I helped them to let go of their fear, anger and shame around their bodies and sexuality. And I created sensual experiences where men could feel intimately connected with a woman.
In the process, I became very skilled at how to hold my boundaries while simultaneously building heat. Here’s what I learned along the way.
1) A skilled seductress is willing to be generous.
The word seduction, which has been defined as, “to change by artful or unfair, insidious means so as to serve one’s purpose,” has been demonized by our culture for two reasons. 1) We’ve chosen to focus on the “unfair or insidious” versus “artful” means and 2) assumed the seductress’s purpose is always purely selfish.
But what if your purpose as a seductress was for something greater than yourself? What if you could use your feminine seductive powers to heighten awareness, to expand sensitivity, openness and receptivity in your lover and create deeper intimate connection through sexual energy? What if your desire as a seductress was not to take something from another, but to give your lover a special gift? Like preparing him or her a sensuous gourmet feast…
Sex becomes a shallow experience when it’s only about two people trying to get their needs met. But when your intention as a seductress is to be generous and give your lover what he or she wants, sex becomes the act of love it was truly meant to be. And as the saying goes, you always receive ten fold what you give.
2) A skilled seductress stays in tune with her own pleasure while arousing another.
It’s sometimes an even bigger turn for your lover to get to witness you touching yourself versus them touching you. They get to have a sneak peak into your own private pleasure. This gets you warmed up while revving your lover up.
3) A skilled seductress shows rather than tells.
A single gesture can speak a thousand words. Find ways to communicate how you feel and what you want through your body. For example, arching your back and neck when you want your nipples sucked or crawling across the floor on your hands and knees like a tigress to express your desire.
4) A skilled seductress takes her time.
It’s all in the tease. Ripping each other’s clothes off can be fun, but unbuttoning a blouse slowly and taking your bra off one strap at a time while holding your lovers gaze is way more vulnerable and sexy.
5) A skilled seductress knows how to play with opposites.
The fire of eros is created not only by attraction, but by obstacles and polarities.
I learned that having boundaries with men not only served me, it served in creating a powerful erotic field. Similarly, mixing up expressions of sexual openness and readiness, like smiling, followed by expressions of sexual shyness and reservation, like biting your lip, are ways you can play with opposites and create sexual heat. Also notice what polarity your lover is holding at the moment. If he or she is in a serious mood, you might try bringing in playfulness and lightness. If your lover is scattered and on the surface, you might try bringing more depth and presence.
6) A skilled seductress knows how to channel sexual energy through every part of her body.
You have erogenous zones all over your body. Imagine if every pore of your skin was a sexual orifice – if your whole body was like a giant pulsing yoni. Imagine the sexual aliveness you’d feel – all the different parts of your body you could use to express your desire.
7) A skilled seductress knows how to read body language.
Your lover is always expressing what he or she is feeling and wants through their body. Shallow breathing, for example, might be an expression of anxiousness and a need for safety. A tilt of the head might be an expression of unsureness and a need for affirmation. Tight shoulders are usually an expression of holding onto control and a longing to let go and relax. A trance-like smile can be an expression of disassociation rather than pleasure. The eyes are full of changing expressions. Pay attention. Teach your lover sensitivity and presence with your own.
8) A skilled seductress knows the erotic mind and how to tune into her lover’s primary arousal triggers.
Each of us has a kind of inner erotic theme park that’s as unique as our childhood and adolescent experiences and universal as everyone’s need to be loved, valued and seen.
We eroticize encounters and form erotic connections to compensate for our perceived inadequacies and limitations and also as a way of finding our power in situations where we felt powerless. This is why pleasure is often linked with things like helplessness or shame and the erotic is considered more a part of our shadow.
Most people are only mildly aware of their own arousal triggers, but if you pay attention your lover will reveal them to you through their body language and the things that they say.
Some times a person’s arousal triggers are similar to their social personality. For example, one male client who had insecurity about his physicality became aroused when I told him how beautiful his body was. Other times, a person’s arousal triggers are more hidden from their personality or just the opposite. For example, another client, who held a high power position and was used to being in control and in charge of others would become aroused when I blind folded him or told him what to do or even playfully insulted him.
9) A skilled seductress knows how to use cadence and rhythm through her voice, movements and touch to bring her lover into a trance state.
Trance states are a way to shift from ordinary to non-ordinary awareness, so you and your lover can experience expanded sensitivity and receptivity to your own and each other’s desire, pleasure and love.
If you’ve ever heard a good poet or storyteller you know what I mean. It’s not just the words, but the way they’re woven together, with measured phrases and pauses in just the right moments and a common thread all the way through. How can you create love poems and patterns on your partner’s body with your fingertips? Or use your hips to hypnotize? Or use your voice to guide your lover into a sensual meditative trance ?
10) A skilled seductress isn’t afraid to get a little dirty.
Men especially love being objects of desire because more often than not, they are in the desire seat. They like being surprised just as much as we do. They like being pinned down or pushed up against a wall and kissed hard. They like being whispered flirty or dirty things in their ear.
11) A skilled seductress has a sense of humor.
There’s nothing more inviting than a woman who’s both sexy and funny, especially one who can laugh at herself. If you trip on your heels, play it up even bigger. Be vulnerable, like a clunky school girl who’s just learning what to do. Have fun with your body in tongue and cheek ways, like jiggling your breasts and buttocks and giving yourself a spank or two.
12) A skilled seductress is creative.
She knows she is bigger than her personality. She knows how to make herself an empty vessel for whatever face of the Goddess would best serve her lover.
There are all kinds of sexy feminine archetypes to play with from the flirty fairy to the fem fatale. Something as small as a piece of clothing or a look, pose or gesture can bring out an archetype that helps you get out of your head and have fun while delighting your lover.
For more Tantrika secrets, Lisa Citore offers couples intimacy coaching and women’s sexual self mastery courses. Her next online priestess training, Awaken Your Feminine Fire, begins October 21 2019. For more information and to get on the waiting list go to: www.AwakenYourFeminineFire.com