Dear Sister,
I feel you. I feel the tigress in you waiting to be loved by a man the way your heart desires. I feel your longing to be deeply touched and met by a man beyond just sex. I feel your frustration that has almost turned you off to sex completely.
My question to you is: Are you willing to give what you most want to receive?
In my years of working with couples to help them experience deeper pleasure and connection, I’ve found that basic touch, beyond the usual daily hugs and kisses, is often the missing spark that ignites each other’s fire.
Touch is a lost art. It’s funny. We communicate with our words, but we don’t really know how with our touch. And it’s the same thing. Intimacy is cultivated by vulnerably revealing ourselves-offering and receiving and directly responding to what has been received. It’s a back and forth willingness to keep the conversation going.
Just as we have conversations through words, we can have them with our hands and fingers. And it’s always a different conversation and experience, because our bodies go through life-the good days and the bad-right along with us.
Furthermore, our skin is constantly regenerating itself. Healthy skin, for example, completely regenerates itself every 2-3 weeks. Things like diet and exercise contribute to the health of our skin. And you know what else does? Touch!
Your skin is also the door between your outer and inner experience. You can even tune into specific organs through your skin. For example, by placing your hand over your heart, you can access how your heart is feeling. You can also calm and comfort distressed organs through your touch. You don’t need to pay a shaman. You have a built in healer in your own hands.
Your skin is your connection to your body, and your body is your connection to your subconscious and your deepest inner most being.
But if you don’t know how to touch yourself – and I don’t just mean your vagine -if you don’t know how to have an intimate conversation between your fingertips and your own skin-you won’t know how to touch another person. And you won’t receive the kind of touch you truly desire, at least not for long.
You can’t tell your man how to touch you. Because then you’d be like his mother. But you can show him. You can open his sensitivity and his heart through your touch.
Otherwise, he’s just going to touch you to get what he wants. Or even worse, to try to please you. Both are one sided conversations, that feel superficial and boring. The same goes for touch.
Touch isn’t about pleasing another person. It’s about initiating and sustaining a bodily conversation. The best way to practice is on yourself by connecting to your body and your own inner being through your touch.
For example, I might start by running my hands up along both sides of my thigh. When I do this my finger tips might say something like, “Hello sweet skin, sweet thigh, sweet inner being. How are you, my love?” If my fingers are vulnerable enough, they’ll add, “I need to touch something. I need to hold onto something. I need you. I need to feel your pleasure.”
This vulnerable neediness amplifies the electricity in my touch. And if I want to amp it up even more, I contain my strong desire within my soft fingertip touch. This is the secret to cultivating erotic connection – through contained intensity.
Sometimes my skin will immediately soften to my touch and I will feel an inner relaxation. Other times, I will feel my inner being’s resistance to receiving. She might not feel as sensitive that day. She might even feel numb. So I keep listening with my fingers until she responds. She might say something like, “I’m mad at you for staying away for so long.” And then it’s my turn to respond to her. I don’t give up or pull away or be too grabby too fast.
I just continue to touch my inner being with my loving fingertips. They might say something like, “I feel you. I love you. And I know how to open you.” And with this, I’ll feel the slightest ripple just beneath my skin that causes the hairs on my thigh to stand up in attention.
My inner being might temporarily push back, saying something like, “I hate you. I hate how you can open me so easily. I hate how I love your touch so much. I hate how dependent I am on you.”
And my fingertips will slowly stroke my thigh again and say something like, “I love your hate. I love how much you love me. And I am as dependent on you as you are on me.” And this just melts my inner being and sends a rush of energy through me. My heart will blast open and oxytocen will flood my body and I’m all in love with myself again.
Touch so simple, we take it for granted. We think we have more important things to do. Yet we go on frustrated, longing and looking to others to make us happy.
My self touch practice is different every time. For example, my hips might want to be grabbed and claimed by my hands. My belly might want to be kneaded and squished so she knows how much I love her fleshiness. My point is bodies have sensitivities and moods just like our personalities do.
If you are ready to hone your sensual intelligence and confidence, go to my website right now www.SexualMystery.com and sign up for my Women’s Sexual Mystery School. Get on my email list and receive 3 tips to turn on your feminine sexual super powers. And if you like anything I’ve shared, please leave a comment and pass this link onto a friend. Thank you!
Love and Shakti, Lisa
