Sexual Multitasking: Are you a First, Second or Third Stage Lover?

Sexual chemistry is generated not only by the polarity between two people, but the dynamic tension of masculine and feminine energy within each one of them.  The feminine principle being our capacity to receive and expand into the every-thingness of existence, the masculine principle being our capacity to offer and let go into the no-thingness of existence.

The constant play between these archetypal principles is the perpetuating force of all physical reality, from lava flowing into the ocean to form solid rock to a sperm penetrating an ovum to form a human being.

Though this erotic tension is omnipresent, our awareness of it is limited, with the exception of when we are having sex.

Even then, we usually attribute the sexual tension we are feeling solely to another person. But we are never really making love with just one person.  We are making love with, through and as archetypal energy itself.  In fact, to the degree each person can let go of him or herself and be an empty channel, is the level of sexual energy and depth of intimate connection each is capable of offering and receiving.

The main reason for the diminishing returns of sex in longterm relationships is that we get stuck in our human personas and roles with each other, and aren’t able to see the Mystery which attracted us in the first place.

Until we have awareness of our own Mystery we will look for it in others.

Furthermore, as men and women mature in consciousness and wholeness, both sexes will be drawn to the expression our polar opposites. Which usually means men cultivating their feeling feminine side, and women, our more action-oriented masculine side.  This inner shift can cause chaos in couples that have been together a long time because we are having to relate to each other in a whole new way.

During this second half of sexuality, women usually complain that our male partners aren’t masculine enough for us and men will complain that their female partners are insensitive, overly critical and even dominating.

Sexually masculine women will often turn to hot bodied boy toys for our pleasure and more effeminate men will turn to younger and even sexually wounded women who they can rescue and more easily please.  But the ultimate task is to integrate our sexual opposites rather than stay stuck in them, so we can come together from a place of mutual wholeness.

This third stage sexuality requires that men and women hold ourselves in integrity with regards to feminine and masculine energy- neither collapsing into complete receptivity and the whole lollapalooza of human sensations and emotions (although I know this can be addictively fun), nor detaching from life in our masculine presence.  Since women guide all sexual experience, awareness on our part is crucial.

If we want the transcendent body, heart, mind and spiritual merging of high sex, we must be willing to hold our balance.

If a woman is too much in her feminine energy, sex will be limited to a more bodily and emotional experience.  If she is too much in her masculine energy, there won’t be enough sexual life force energy to play with.  But if a woman is able to breathe and stay in her witness during orgasmic peaks (which will be even more with this kind of meditative presence), sex will literally be a mind-blowing spiritual awakening for her and her lover.

I did a Tantric breath practice as my man pleasured me this morning, and felt a soft flow of orgasmic energy running through my body all day long. I also felt more grounded than high, as I can sometimes feel after making love.  I felt clear rather than the usual after sex fog. And I felt a renewed connection with the Mystery in myself, in my man and in the world.

So I thought I’d share this breath practice with you, which is called the Two Serpent Breath.

Picture two snakes coiled at your perineum or root chakra-a black one on the left and a gold one on the right. As you breathe in through your nose, with your tongue on the roof of your mouth, see the snakes rising up the center of your body, criss crossing at each of your chakras and illuminating them.  When the snakes reach the center of your brain, hold your breath and squeeze your root chakra.  Focus all of your awareness on your glowing pineal gland, where you see in your mind’s eye, the two snakes kissing. As their tongues touch, sniff and picture a fountain of liquid light shooting up a few feet past the top of your head. As you exhale through your nose feel the light cascading down all over and through your body.

Now, can you do all of the above while having an orgasm and keeping your eyes open to your partner as well as on your own experience?