When I looked up pleasure in the dictionary, I realize Mr. Webster and I have very different definitions.
Whereas Webster defines pleasure as: satisfaction derived from what is to one’s liking; worldly or frivolous enjoyment; amusement; diversion; sensual gratification-I define pleasure as an expansion of consciousness, experienced through the body and the senses.
I believe our capacity to receive and experience pleasure is dependent on our ability to let go of control, to let go of all past experience and surrender into the unknown.
When we don’t have any reference point, we can have a direct, one of a kind experience with a piece of chocolate, a rose, a breeze, a drink of water, or a lover’s touch or kiss. Unfortunately, most of us live in an objectified world of diminishing returns. Though we crave mystery, our fear of the unknown keeps us clutching to control and settling for familiarity, rather than opening to our deepest pleasure.
Luckily we hold a magical force inside of us, which is beyond our control, because it is the very force of Creation. And it’s direction is evolutionary because its evolution is the desire of Creation.
This primordial super power is our sexual energy. When we allow ourselves to open to it, we are opening to the unknown-to everything we’ve exiled, forgot, couldn’t forgive or felt unworthy of that lies coiled up and constricted within the subconscious. Eastern spiritual traditions call the uncoiling of this unknown Self the awakening of our kundalini.
Kundalini is one of those spiritual buzz words that people don’t know what to do with. Though we’re supposed to wake it up, most yoga traditions seek to contain the kundalini.
Though I’m only just beginning to have a personal relationship with what I’ve come to know as Her, I feel Her passionate, ever insistent desire not to be contained, but rather to liberate Herself and rise up through me. She is both a chaotic and deliberate force, who knows exactly where she wants to go. And like it or not, we’re going with Her. Because according to Her, She made us-humans, the earth, all the planets and galaxies-and we can’t evolve without Her-nor can She evolve without us.
Right now, most humans don’t have a clue what sexual energy really is. Most of our experience of sex and sexual energy is in response to our patriarchal conditioning–meaning we are either good girls and boys, keeping our sexual energy suppressed in the subconscious, or bad girls and boys, who use and exploit our sexual energy, and tend to only have masculine-goal-driven sex, which often leaves us feeling alienated, depleted and needing more and more, similar to a drug addict.
The porn industry has been built on masculine-driven sex.This distorted version of sex allows us to stay in control, while having a temporary simulated feeling of being out of control. We don’t really surrender into the unknown. We do what’s familiar and what we know will temporarily relieve us of our fear, aloneness and powerlessness. We substitute communion with our God Self for a quick dopamine high and call it orgasmic sex.
Many women with a high sex drive are having masculine-driven sex. They take pride in their ability to squirt, like men ejaculate. Squirting has become a coveted female sexual super power. I’m ashamed to admit years ago I once participated in a squirting contest at a party. I was still living under the patriarchal spell of what it means to be a sexually awakened woman.
Though my desire is for every woman to experience the fullness of her pleasure, goals like squirting and even orgasm can distract, inhibit and keep a woman from surrendering into her unknown.
And if we are not surrendering into deeper and deeper unknowns within ourselves and within each other, we are not surrendering or experiencing the full dragon ride of our sexual energy.
And by dragon, I’m not metaphorically speaking. I mean a real dragon! In Tantra traditions our sexual energy is depicted as a snake. In Taoism, She is a white tiger. My personal experience of the Goddess is a dragon.
Just as Christianity and other patriarchal religions encourage us to have our own personal relationship with God, the Goddess is calling us to have a personal relationship with Her.
Only her followers don’t want to shove God, men and the holy spirit into the subconscious, like patriarchal religion did to the Goddess, women and the holy, human body. We want to make love with them!
The Goddess wants to make love through us. She is calling us to ride Her-our sexual energy-into the unknown, as She rises up through us to meet Her unknown God Self.
This journey of bringing the subconscious into consciousness is the greatest love story of all time-and we are living it!
As I deepen in my pleasure practice, the veils between the known and the unknown realms are thinning. The other morning, I woke up to knocking and a woman’s voice, calling my name. Her voice was so clear, I got up out of bed to see who was at my door. Her tone was bright, as if to say, “Lisa! Wake up! I’m here!” When I opened the door the whole wild world was waiting for me outside.