As I continue to deepen in my pleasure practice, my receptivity deepens.
I don’t just hear the birds with my ears, I feel the vibrations of their songs buzzing beneath my skin. I don’t just smell the orange blossoms with my nose, I experience all of my cells expanding, breathing in their fragrance. I don’t just taste a strawberry with my mouth, my heart flies open with its sweetness. I don’t just see the leaves on the trees with my eyes, I feel my whole body being saturated with green. I don’t just feel the warmth and light of the sun, my blood is glowing and radiating heat.
First, a quick review of facts:
We have orgasms when we reach our receptive capacity-when the adrenaline rush of sex or even physical exercise reaches its peak in us. When this happens we release a neuro-substance called dopamine. Dopamine in turn triggers the release of oxytocin-which is what creates feelings of all-is-wellness and interconnectedness with life, and specifically bonding feelings between lovers.
The catch is while oxytocin highs expand our receptivity and connection to life, dopamine highs decrease our receptivity.
This is because large doses of adrenaline will cause our cell receptors to shut down over time to protect themselves from over stimulation. Which is why couples need more and more stimulation (from things like porn, sex toys, and hallucinogenic substances, which just continue to desensitize us) to have the same orgasmic experiences and feelings of deep connection with each other. And why sex with strangers is often more exciting.
But if we’re not ready to buy a fisting swing or go to sex parties for our orgasms, how do we keep things spicy in the bedroom? If not adrenaline induced sex, what’s a girl got to do to get that rosy dopamine and oxytocin glow?
The key is to learn how to turn on our dopamine faucet without maxing out our adrenaline supply, just enough to tap our oxytocin well spring. Gently and consistently, so over time not only are we cultivating a healthy flow of oxytocin, but we’re also training our cellular receptors to assimilate higher amounts of dopamine.
Similar to how we would train to run a marathon. We don’t run twenty six miles all at once. We first run 2 miles, then 4, then 6, then 8 and so on. And we do sprint intervals of first 50 yards, then 100, then 200 and so on. The same goes for our sex muscles.
Here’s a Tantric breath practice to help you get your glow back:
Visualize and feel a thick root extending from your perineum down into the molten core of the earth (and yes this root can stretch as far as need be, whether you are driving in a car or flying on a plane).
As you inhale feel this molten energy coming up from the earth into your root chakra, breathing through your nose with your tongue on the roof of your mouth, arching your lower spine slightly, rocking back with your pelvis and sticking your tailbone out.
On the exhale, press your hips and pelvis forward, curling your tailbone under and straightening your spine. Squeeze your perineum at the end of the exhale and focus your awareness on your sacred triangle (which extends from the pubic bone to a couple inches above it, usually where our pubic hair begins).
Feel the life force energy gathering in your root chakra, sacred triangle and pelvic bowl as you squeeze. On the next inhale, release the contraction and repeat the practice.
The above breath is your dopamine pump. It will help you generate more sexual energy and feel more deliciously desirous. Do this for a few minutes, about 10 times.
The next breath practice is for tapping our oxytocin flow for channeling and transmuting or raising the vibration of raw life force energy.
This time the root squeeze comes on the inhale—again through your nose with your tongue on the roof of your mouth–but contract the perineum slowly with the breath, pulling it up, rather than just squeezing it, as if sipping energy up from your root chakra.
As you pull up, feel the inner rings of your root chakra, deeper and deeper all the way up to your cervix. And picture, feel an inner tube running from your root chakra up the center of your body, in front of your spine, all the way up through your brain to about three feet above your head. As you breathe in, feel the life force energy from your root chakra being pulled up this central channel to the point above your head.
Hold the breath and squeeze as deep as you can into your root chakra when the energy reaches this top point. Then exhale and release the contraction, as the energy descends back down the tube, returning to the root chakra.
Practiced daily this Tantric breath combo can help women maintain healthy dopamine and oxytocin levels.
This translates into expanded receptivity, increased vitality, and an overall experience of interconnectedness and well-beingness, whether we’re in relationship or not. And in raising the vibration of sexual energy, these practices also serve to create a more transcendentally bonding field between lovers. And one person’s awakened sexual energy is enough to create an illumined field for two.
Begin by setting aside fifteen minutes a day for the practices. When they start to live in your body, after at least forty days, you can do them while driving to work, washing the dishes, folding the laundry or along with any other mundane task.
Yes, you can have an ecstatic experience even while cleaning the toilet.