I’ve been teased about being obsessed with my vagina. A friend of mine once told me at a party that before introducing his date to me, he whispered in her ear,
“Watch, she’s going to be talking about her vagina.”
And as predicted, I was!
I’ve attended many vagina-related workshops, where I was instructed to do everything from eye gazing with my vagina in a mirror to squeezing my vagina ten thousand times to sipping energy from the earth up my spine through my vagina to sticking ice cubes in my vagina to cool and cleanse it of past lovers. I’ve learned how to massage my vagina, make my vagina squirt and keep my vagina fit and tight with kegels and Tantric eggs that I stick up in there and try not to drop in the middle of the grocery.
But the one thing no one ever told me or maybe I didn’t hear them is to RELAX my vagina.
Relaxing is different from being oblivious of our vaginas, which many women are, unless we’re having sex or getting a pap smear. We have to become aware of our vaginas in order to relax them.
Having been more aware of mine than most, when we were given instruction at the women’s workshop to relax our vaginas, I was surprised how tightly wound mine was.
Not clenched like a fist, but lightly pressed together, like pursed lips. At first, I blamed my inability to relax on having to go to the bathroom, but as I breathed and focused on softening and opening my flower petals, I discovered that what I thought was a full bladder was really my vagina refusing to completely relax.
The breath was simple. In a cat cow, hands and knees posture, we were told to inhale all the way down to our vaginas, letting our bellies hang and our back arch slightly, sticking our tailbones out. And on the exhale, round our spines, tuck our tailbones under, and see if we could continue to let our vaginal lips be loose and open.
For the first fifteen minutes, I was so uncomfortable I thought I was going to have to excuse myself or pee my pants. Since participants were strongly encouraged not to leave the room during exercises unless it was an absolute emergency, I paced back and forth in my mind, wondering if my predicament qualified as such.
Frustrated, I made the decision to let go of control, regardless if I pissed all over myself and the floor.
You know how good it feels when you finally get to pee after holding it for a long time That’s how amazing it feels to let go in your vagina! What I discovered is layers upon layers of subtle pleasure as I continued to relax the outer, then inner lips, and all the rings of tiny muscles inside my vagina.
Up until then, my most memorable sexual experiences involved putting things into my vagina-fingers, dildos, cocks, tantric eggs-and squeezing my lips around them, sucking them in further.
I didn’t know how much profound sexual pleasure could come from letting go and relaxing my vagina.
As I breathed, my pleasure expanded and my bladder, though full, somehow relaxed. The combined experience of letting go of control petal by petal, and feeling my simultaneous feminine fullness and relaxation was exquisitely erotic. So much so, I started shaking. But it wasn’t the same shaking I felt in other sexual, shamanic experiences. Instead of the usual heat rush, I felt flooded by water.
Waves and waves washed through my body, saturating my organs, pounding at my heart, until I released a guttural cry of grief and gratitude, that was as if Mother Earth herself was crying out.
As I breathed and rode the waves of pleasure, I could feel the unrequited sexual expression of many generations of women crying out through me.
Some screamed, some laughed, some wept. I could feel their love for me and my love for them. I could feel all of us orgasmically healing together.