The last session of the Women’s Sexual Mystery School included women ranging from ages 21 to 60 something. Our circle was a true representation of the Goddess, who is many ages and is ageless.
Which led me to wonder, how does a woman cultivate agelessness?
Traditionally, when a woman is given the compliment of being “ageless, “ there is an emphasis on youthfulness and physical beauty. I’d like to reframe agelessness to mean a woman who has the capacity to be all of the different faces and phases of the Goddess, regardless of her chronological age.
In my studies with the 13 Moon Mystery School (www.13Mysteryschool.org) , I learned that different faces of the Goddess correspond with different phases of the moon. The “younger” faces can be felt during the waxing phases of the moon. The “more mature” faces of the Goddess during the moon’s waning phases. There are 13 moons every year and 13 phases within each monthly moon.
Through mediating with the different phases of the moon and faces of the Goddess, I learned how to expand my self awareness beyond my personality or accumulated knowledge to my more multi-dimensional nature. Also by tuning into these universal feminine forces, I learned how to tap into my larger support system, where I could feel my place and movement within the greater universal flow.
Based on my studies with the 13 Moon Mystery School, the following feminine archetypes govern the phases of the moon accordingly-each phase spanning about 2 and a quarter days.
Great mother: new moon
Goddess of compassion: first waxing moon phase
Priestess: second waxing moon phase
Creator/Destroyer: third waxing phase
Sovereign goddess: fourth waxing phase
Muse: fifth waxing phase
Goddess of love: full moon
Primal goddess: first waning moon phase
Initiator: second waning moon phase
Wise woman: third waning phase
Weaver/dreamer: fourth waning phase
Queen of death: fifth waning phase
Alchemical goddess: moon out of time
Over the years, I’ve used the above Goddess/moon map to enhance my creative process. More recently, I’ve been playing with the different archetypes as a way of bringing my greater Goddess self into my sex life. Here’s what I’ve found.
The new moon/great mother phase is a time of nurturing myself and letting my man nurture me. It’s a time for receiving and letting my pleasure come first. It’s also the most cuddley phase of the moon.
The compassionate moon reminds me to let go of judgments I’ve had about my man or better yet, let myself be fucked open by what I have judged in him and let my orgasms be an expression of their release.
Being a more meditative face of the Goddess, the Priestess reminds me to bring breath and consciousness into my sexual experience. It’s also a good time for eye gazing and seeing beyond the familiar to the mystery within myself and my lover.
The creator/destroyer archetype reminds me that honest communication is the best foreplay. When my man fucks my mind open with truth, my body will follow. Even when it’s hard, there’s a part of me that respects him more when he tells it like it is. And if a lover is worth his salt, he will feel the same when I speak my truth.
I can surrender deeper in love when I also allow myself to feel my sexual sovereignty. This phase of the moon is an ideal time for self pleasuring or letting my man witness me bringing myself to orgasm and vice or versa. It’s also a time to connect my sexuality with the bigger sexuality of nature and to make love in the woods.
The muse, which is my favorite Goddess archetype, calls me to have FUN- to bring more creativity, spontaneity, laughter and play into sexual union. It’s a time for wearing fishnets or a red wig or blind folds or a strap-for eating whipped cream off of each other’s bodies or doing it in front of a mirror or in the back seat of a car.
And of course when the moon is full, it’s a time for romantic sex – for lighting candles, putting on sultry jazz music and slow dancing naked- reading each other Sufi poetry, rubbing Kama Sutra oil all over each other’s bodies- yoni and cock worshipping and just loving the fuck out of each other.
The primal phase of the moon is a time for raw animal sex –for doggie style, crazy, out of control, knocking over furniture, wrestling each other to submission, tequila shots and talking dirty, hard, fast, pussy pounding sex.
The initiator phase of the moon is as it sounds. It’s a time for me to be the initiator of sex-to feel and wield the power of my desire. Traditionally, women have disowned our desire to be objects of men’s desire. Expressing our own desire is often more vulnerable than surrendering to another’s. For best results, take action rather than expressing your sexual wanting in words. Press him up against the wall and kiss him. Grab him by the shirt and drag him to the bed. Rip his clothes off and mount him.
The wise woman phase of the moon is like a higher octave of the muse archetype. She dares me to make love with whatever shows up, including emotions and events of the day that can turn my mood off. She invites me to play deeper – to turn my frustrations of the day into passion – not by force, but through surrender – through revealing and moving towards rather than away from my lover – connecting with him in my vulnerability, allowing my inner experience to touch my outer experience and vice or versa.
The weaver dreamer phase of the moon is a time for sex magic – for making love with intention. For example, I might self pleasure as a prayer to end female genital mutilation. And as I climax a young woman on the other side of the world might simultaneously feel her courage to not have her clitoris cut from her body.
The queen of death makes me face where I haven’t surrendered completely to love – where I’m still loving with conditions, not fully softening, trusting, not opening to my deeper orgasm. The dark moon is usually when I cry during sex, when my heart and my yoni cum together.
During the alchemical phase of the moon, I get to choose and ask which face of the Goddess will best serve my relationship. Sexually speaking, which face will create the juiciest intimacy with my man in the moment?
Playing with the different Goddess archetypes is like taking an improvisational theater class. Some faces are easier to play with than others. I know from past experience that when I try new things I create new neural pathways. What feels clunky and awkward in one moment feels more organic the next. The more I can say yes to these undiscovered parts of myself, the more I able I am to say yes to all of life. Instead of stubbornly saying, “This isn’t me,” I ask, “How can I make this face of the Goddess mine? How can I let her influence my sexual experience and expression just a little bit more? How can I be more permeable in my authenticity?”
What does it mean anyway to be myself? What if myself is much bigger than I think she is?
When the underlying intention is self liberation, playing with Goddess archetypes is much different than playing a role, such as a french maid, specifically for the purpose of seducing my man. I’m not trying to please anyone. I’m seeking my own expansion.
The more of myself I can be in sex and in life, the more fun I have- the more free I feel, and the more capacity I have for connection with my lover in the moment.
Sex becomes more multi-dimensional as I become more multi-dimensional – as I become a woman who is all the faces of the Goddess, ageless and ever changing.